I Remember Summer - part V

The ambulance arrives around midnight staffed with a team of five; a doctor, two paramedics and two nurses. I am told they are here and after their first priority of tending to my baby they will be in to see me. My husband is with them. Easily and quickly they make their assessment, start an IV and prepare for transport. The doctor then turned all his attention to me and my husband. Talking and making sure that any questions we had were answered, saying that it would take at least seventy-two hours for them to know exactly how he was. The paramedics and nurses then came in with the incubator and our precious baby. We said so long, told him we loved him and off to the Big Apple he went at just over four hours old. The ambulance was like a mini operating room, it was equipped to handle almost anything.


My husband returned from Cornell Medical Center late afternoon the next day having spent the day with our little guy. He is oh so small, but his larger (?) size is a blessing. They so expected smaller for his time of gestation. He is 10 weeks early, there hadn't been any miscalculation. They confirmed that; he has no fingernails; no cartilage in his ears; these things had not yet formed, they will soon though. At eight hours old he had some respiratory distress. He is so tiny that when he becomes very relaxed and sleeping he starts to shut down. Alarms alert the medical personnel and they rouse him. He will continue growing, but now in an incubator. His feeding is 1/33 of an ounce. He is in the Neonatal Itensive Care. Here each baby has their own nurse and doctor 24 hours a day. At this time they would not allow any pictures to be taken until seventy-two hours old. Guess this was the magic number, seventy-two, by then they would know all the possibilities and probabilities. God will take care of it.

I will spend the next three days in the hospital, when I am released I am told that I cannot travel for a time yet. I go home holding a picture.

I Remember Summer - part IV

8:28pm on 6/28,

3 pounds, 11 ounces,

16 inches long,

a baby boy.

*

Did you see that ... he weighed 3 pounds, 11 ounces. My doctor, although wearing a mask, is smiling ... I can tell by his eyes, he tells me that the baby is much larger then they could have ever hoped for ... almost twice as much. God will take care of this. For a brief moment I see this tiny face, an almost exact replica of my husband. He is wrapped in warmed blankets and then wisked away.

*

A very bad storm is looming outside and has knocked out most of the power and phone lines to many parts of the city. Our pediatrician is affected by this and could not be contacted. The hospital contacts the police and they go to get her. She arrives in short order. The helicopter cannot fly in this weather, Cornell Medical University at New York Hospital in New York City is contacted, an ambulance is dispatched with arrival expected some time around midnight.

*

I have been moved to the hall outside the delivery room by a phone. Here I make calls to our parents giving them their new status of grandparent. Our pediatrician appears with information on her assessment.

*

APGAR is a quick test performed at 1 and 5 minutes after birth. The 1-minute score determines how well the baby tolerated the birthing process. The 5-minute score assesses how well the newborn is adapting to the new environment. The rating is based on a total score of 1 to 10, with 10 suggesting the healthiest infant. A score of 8 or 9 is normal and indicates the newborn is in good condition. A score of 10 is very unusual, since almost all newborns lose 1 point for blue hands and feet, which is normal for the transitional phase after birth

*

The APGAR test done will examine the baby's:
Breathing effort
Heart rate
Muscle tone
Reflexes
Skin color

*

Each category is scored with 0, 1, or 2, depending on the observed condition.

*

His scores were 8.5 and 9. 8.5 and 9! She (pediatrician) is in awe. She cannot believe the condition he is in. She tells us that if he were not that early she would keep him here and not send him out but because of how early he is she thinks its in his best interest that he go. Although larger then they thought he still is very tiny. Should a complication arise later it would be best for him to be at the medical center. She wonders did we miscalculate, maybe he was further term along. We don't know.

I Remember Summer ... part III

The wee morning hours passed slowly to the early morning sun rising. By 8:00am we were still holding. In the scheme of things a small feat but one not taken lightly. Doc had said every hour would make a difference so here I was thinking I was now three hours beyond where he thought we would have delivered. We were months away from what was supposed to be and here I was counting hours thinking it was a win. God will take care of this. The morning turned to noon, the afternoon saw moms-to-be come and moms go, evening shadows started falling. My husband had wiled away the day in a straight back chair to the side of my bed. My doctor had left my side only to deliver a baby. We had become a close knit threesome by the end of the day.

The straight back chair was now a straight back bed for the night for my husband. My doctor caught a bit of sleep on the couch in the father's room.


The night's quiet was broken only by the monitor's swishing sounds of our baby's heart beat.

Back labor, it was back labor... continued throughout the night. It was uncomfortable (understated), I spent most of the time rolled up into a ball to try to relieve the "backache". By the next afternoon all of a sudden it stopped. Early evening I was taken to a private room on the maternity floor. It was nice to be off the gurney of the labor room and actually into a bed. Whatever was going on medicine had no clue. I was more then three quarters dilated, the baby was and had been in position, and labor stopped. Mid evening my husband went home to get, hopefully, a good night's sleep.

I was now more aware of the moving of our little one. On the right side of my abdomen was a tapping, (kicking?), it would go on for a while, then stop. And start again a while later ... over and over again. I actually started to wonder if this little one had two legs or one, it was always just one side, the same side.

Labor started in again about 1:00am and I was fully dilated although my water had not broken ... back to the labor room, husband was called and returned, doctor came in and we all waited. An emergency delivery kit was placed on the end of my bed. It would be replaced with a new kit at 12 hour intervals so that it would not be contaminated. Although contractions were constant and at about 2 minutes apart my water remained unbroken, the baby's heatbeat was a strong 160 and doing fine. The question was me now, as long as I was ok, we would wait this out.

Wait we did ... Thursday, Friday ... At this point, each day my doctor would leave for some office appointments and return late afternoon where he would stay all night with me. If there was any change in me he would leave his office and come at that time. I was truly blessed with such an amazing doctor.


I had not eaten since Monday and now they brought in some light foods, broth, jello, sherbert. I loved the sherbert, wrote a note on my tray cover asking for more then one sherbert if that was possible. I didn't know if it would be seen in the kitchen but on ... Saturday ... I received several, on ...Sunday ... too. Sunday I had several visitors from the hospital. I was well known throughout the hospital at this point and head nurses from other floors were coming by to see me, to tell me that they and their staff were thinking of me, prayers were being said ... Monday ... I awoke to find two nurses surveying the room trying to see could wires be run to get me a tv.

It had been seven days. Then Monday afternoon I seemed to sink. Something had changed in me, I had been doing fine and all of a sudden I was weepy, feeling strange. Next thing I knew my doctor was there. They had called and he had come right away. A short time after that I was told that they had contacted Medical Centers in Albany and New York City to reserve an incubator in the neonatal ICU's. The one which responded with a "bed" is where my little one would go. A helicopter would be ready and waiting.

The doctor broke my water, the time was here.

I Remember Summer - cont'd

Thirty Four years ago ... the year was 1976, it was the bicentennial and a big deal with celebrations being planned throughtout the country. It was an even bigger deal in our own little world that year. We were expecting our first baby. There had been articles and talk of all kinds of things for July 4th and one of which was the baby that would be born on that day. Like the New Year's baby every year but only this was on a grander scale. Our little one was was due in September so no thought given to that, however, I do have to mention that my husband's birthday is July 4th.

I had gone to work on Monday, June 21st, with a back ache starting about mid morning. Oddly I had rearranged my desk, reorganized my files, etc., etc., a few were joking that I was into early nesting mode. My little office space was just so tidy. As the day wore on so did my back ache. Throbbing away, sometimes worse then others. Grateful for 5:00, I packed up and went home. I don't remember what was for dinner but do remember turning in for the night quite early. Sporting a backache all those hours does exhaust a person.

At 2:00 in the morning I was awoken with an incredibly sharp pain across my stomach. Upon going into the bathroom I realized that I was bleeding and in trouble. I called my doctor who told me to go the the ER immediately. They (nurses) were waiting for me when I arrived and took me into an exam room. I told the nurse that I felt funny, had stomach cramps and had had back aches ... she said "honey, those are contractions". Well, knock me over ... I don't know why I had never even thought of that, talk about being naive. For one I wasn't due for close to 3 months yet and secondly I wasn't sure what labor was supposed to be like; I figured someone or something would show up waving flags with a marching band. I had figured that you would just know! After the initial shock of hearing that the chill of fear struct. I had been the fifth child born.

My mother had lost four before me. The first two, girls, had been born at about the time I was at right now, almost six and six months. Their survival had been three days for the first one, less for the second child. I had been her first full term baby, and had reached that with full bed rest during the pregnancy.

This couldn't be, it wasn't time, it couldn't be the time. I asked the nurse what would happen if our baby was born then, all she would say is that with today's medicine things are much better then they were years ago. I kept asking her as I didn't get her answer at all, I wanted more, I wanted to hear it will be fine. She never said that.

The doctor arrived minutes later, although I was not completely dilated I was too far progressed now to try and stop labor. (Back labor, it had been back labor!) He thought that in a few hours the baby would be here, he also said that every hour I continued to hold would be a benefit to the baby and that they were hoping the baby was at least two pounds. I remember looking at the clock, it was 3:05am and the thought went through my head three pounds, eleven ounces. It was then that I just looked straight up and thought God will take care of this.

The doctor had spoken with my husband in the hallway away from where I was. He told my husband "its too early".

They transported me to the labor rooms and there I voiced my thought to the nurse ... God will take care of this. She hugged me.

I Remember Summer ... part 1

Today, June 21, 2010, at 7:28am the start of summer. Once again as it has 59 times before.

The day's start is picture perfect. A gentle breeze is moving the leaves, the sun is peaking through the trees and making its marks on the lawn in the early morning silence. Flowers are in full bloom. The birds are gathering at the feeders, a chipmunk has packed his cheeks with sunflower seeds, the squirels are darting about. Everywhere you look you see the touch of His blessings. I am thankful not only for these moments of grace but for the fact that I took the moment to see. Sometimes (most times?) I just jump into the day "unawares". Glad not today.

I am lazy today, following an unusually very busy week last week. My weeks often are scheduled with 3-4 days of work and this and that and mostly that! I am grateful for today's quiet.

I close my eyes and for a moment I remember summer...

My earliest memory (I had to be under 3) is very short, very sweet ... I remember sitting on a wooden fence, I can picture the fence, with my mother opening pea pods. They were in a brown paper bag. I don't like peas, never have, but that day I was eating the round green peas and I can still remember how sweet they tasted. I can feel the sun's rays and warmth. That's it, nothing more, nothing less. I know that it was in Dobbs Ferry because that was where I lived. I believe it was down the street from our house, actually there was a field on the side of the house to our left ... there was the fence. I'm not sure where we had gotten the peas. It feels good to remember that moment, there's a peace there I can feel. Seems sort of strange for a little one to hold this in memory but its a memory that seems to pop up every so often over the years.

Then I remember summer days of my elementary school years, in the mid to late 1950's ...

School was out, the days were lazy,the katydids sang loudly at night.

Hours were spent absorbed in Nancy Drew books.

Tetherball was a great game, leaving broken or sprained fingers for most of the summer,

ahhhh, it was great!

We played baseball and soccer and a two month long game of monopoly.

Talk about bailouts, we kept tally of the money borrowed to keep us in the game.

During the summer no one was ever out, the same game played from July to

the end of August with the winner being the one who owed the least.

It was 6 neighborhood kids who built towns

and cities, these also remained all summer, making

them come to life. These were built with

lincoln logs and building bricks (these were likeLego's only made of wood).

It was dragging dining room chairsoutside and lining them up along a tree line

and pretending it was a passenger train.

It was playing outside all day, everyday and

by nightfall waiting for the next day to play again.

It was fun.

It was carefree.

It was a lace curtain blowing in the gentle breeze from an open window

It was a special time, a special place.

Beginning In The Spring of 1942

and I'm thinking it was either the last week of March or the first week of April that my parents met. I'm back tracking on the calendar to arrive at that time as they were married on June 17, 1942, twelve weeks after they met. I guess you would say what a whirlwind courtship and I guess you would be right. And I guess you would smile when I say it lasted 58 years, 5 months and 3 days. I was there for the end, obviously not for the beginning.

I always remember though hearing that on their first date it rained. Heavy rains. I don't know where they went, I think maybe a movie...they both were 20 years old. The mode of transporation was most likely walking so how important on a rainy, spring evening to have an umbrella. And this dog head was the handle to that umbrella. It always sat, for as long as I can remember, in the china closet in the dining room in this bowl on this plate. Every once in a while it would come out and I can hear my mother say how it had rained on their first date and this was the handle to the umbrella that they had used. As I got older it struct me how this handle had been saved and what it represented to them and for them.

It was quite a love story, her and him. I have never seen a man love anyone as my father loved my mother. She was his every breath up to his last.

The year after my father passed my mother went into a nursing home. Upon cleaning out her house I handn't given thought to this in quite a while and then I came upon the china boat and handle. With great care I brought it home with me. It now sits, as it has for the past 10 years, in my dining room on my hutch still holding what was in it. Some wheat pennies, a book of matches, the newspaper announcements of the birth of my children and the priceless dog head handle. Six years ago she joined him where the rains have now ceased.

This is another little thing that will be passed on to my children. Something so simple, so profound; a dog head handle that represents a

love for all eternity.



Come this Thursday,

June 17, 2010,

Happy Anniversary,

God bless you both

... 68 years and forever.

with all my love

I Love Geraniums

This print hangs in my kitchen. Its my summer print. The frame holds 4 different prints and when the mood hits I bring forward the one for the season. This one usually makes its way to the glass if I have gone and gotten a few flowers for the front steps, which I did. Gives a quick change to my indoor surroundings.

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Two days ago we went to the nursery for a few plants, very few to make it simple enough to take care of them. Luscious, healthy plants bloomed in abundance, it was a site to behold. It is always a decision to be made as to what to get for my outdoor pots. As we walked through there was a cart being pulled by a woman which was filled with a few different type of flowers including about 4 each of red and white geraniums. It struck me how pretty they (the geraniums) were. I have always bought red when I did get geraniums but the white were just striking.

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Wandering around through the plants and flowers, peeking in the hothouses (I think there are about 8 of them) at more plants and flowers, so many flowers, so many plants. And then there it was, the last hothouse. It was a sea of red and white geraniums for at least the first half of the structure. It was magnificent. It was alive with color. There was no question.

.

Care time is a consideration so my planting/potting is extremely small. Just enough to add a splash of color, enough to marvel at nature. With only 4 geraniums, 2 red and 2 white ... they are big plants, one fills a large pot ... two ornamental grass type plants and 4 coleus, oh I can't forget the 20 tomato plants, we went home.

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The house I lived in during high school had a white brick planter lining the sidewalk that led to our front door. Each spring/summer this planter held red geraniums. I remember seeing my mother plant these and thinking they were maybe an ok flower, nothing special. I actually didn't care too much for them, but I wasn't the plant person of the house and what does a teenage girl know about that stuff any way. A mere passing thought. Oddly though, one that lives on in a memory as I often can picture the moment I am talking about and clearly see the contrast of the white brick and the red geraniums. I'm sure that if I could plant that today I would see it as something all together different, something most beautiful. I now love geraniums.

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The spring of my 16th year found me in the hospital. Nine days I was there, having had emergency surgery on the third day of my stay. Initally, on that third morning, I was preparing to go home as the nurses had told me that after the doctor had been in I would be released. A story I will not go into now, but when the doctor arrived he took one look at me, spoke little to me and the next thing I knew I was being prepared for surgery. To this day 43 years later I have no idea what prompted the decision he made, however, his actions are the reason I am sitting here typing this today.

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Now where does this fit in with the later in life love for geraniums? I was released from the hospital on Memorial Day 1967. The hospital had a front porch which spanned the entire front of the hospital with huge white columns supporting it. Rocking chairs were scattered along it, still today you can find chairs and rocking chairs across the porch. But today there are not planters along the railing. Then there were and they were white and they held red geraniums. I remember stepping out on the porch and so very happy to be going home. And then I was just struct. The past nine days had seemed like a very, very long time, like a lifetime had passed. Stepping out into the air I was so conscious of being alive, of the fresh air, of my surroundings. I could hear the music in the distance of a marching band in a Memorial Day parade. And then the colors ... the geraniums were a red like I have never seen before or since, the grass also. I love the colors of nature, but never since have I ever seen anything so vivid as that red and green that day. It brought tears to my eyes. There really are not words to express what I saw, but in me it lives and always will.

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Over the years my fondness of geraniums has grown and as I got older they now remind me of that day when I went home. Having arrived home I walked around the back yard for a few minutes taking in that which was around me. The blue sky without a cloud, it was a picture perfect day from every angle. I was in awe. I was in awe with life itself. With certainty, I knew, God had walked with me and always would.

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I often think that heaven itself is the only place that could have colors that intense and that I was given a peek.

Happy Mother's Day

This pin was my mother's. Its now over 50 years old. Not worth anything, at least in monetary terms, but it does hold a treasure of memories. She wore it every Mother's Day for 45 years or more.

I gave it to her when I was maybe 9 or 10 years old, or possibly a bit younger. I know I was young enough as I blurted out to my mother on the way home that I had gotten a pin, unable to hold in my excitement. I didn't say what kind of pin, just a pin. Once home it would be wrapped and tucked away to be presented on Mother's Day.

I remember going shopping in a store called Fishman's with a few dollars in my pocket to shop for Mother's Day. It was like a 5 and 10 across the street from Woolworth's. I can still remember standing at the counter on the main floor of the store, the woman who worked there helping me. Does anyone remember Woolworth's? Fishman's and Woolworths, they were fun stores, homey. I miss them.

I thought this pin was the cat's meow! I guess Mom did too. She wore it for the last time 6 years ago at the age of 83. Its been with me since.

It will be passed on, certainly not because of any dollar value, but because it represents life, mine and hers.

Happy Mother's Day mom

with love

He is Risen

May the risen Lord renew our spirit today and always.

Spring is Sprung

I love spring, I love watching the earth awaken and the vibrant colors that are coming to life. Right now this season shows signs of the springs I remember as a child. The mornings were clear and crisp and bright with sunshine.

I'm reminded of walking to the bus stop and while waiting for the bus we played hopscotch. There were four or five of us, five if Jimmy came running down from the bus stop up the street. Each one of us always carried a piece of chalk, the first one to get to the stop would draw the board if it wasn't there from the day before, or darken the lines if it was still there.




As soon as we arrived, we would deposit our lunches and whatever else we were carrying that day to school on the ground by the street sign, get our stones and the game would begin! Let me tell you, it was serious business for this group. We calculated where to stand to toss our stone to each number; when we had made our way to to blocks 8, 9 and 10, a running jump was executed.

We played each year during fall and spring from about third to sixth grade; elementary school years. I guess by the time we began junior high we must have thought that we were too adult to play anymore,the game ceased and the road no longer boasted of children at play.

I seldom ever see a hopscotch board any more. I saw one last year, the first I had seen in many, many years, and as ours had been, very simply drawn with white chalk on the pavement. It made me smile.

The People We Meet

The third express lane declared 20 items or less and the line here consisted of two people, one just finishing checking out and another putting her 20 items up. Good enough for me with my two heads of romaine lettuce. I had actually just checked out not moments before when I realized that I had forgotten the romaine. Leaving my husband by the exit door I dashed toward produce, bagged my two romaines and took place back in line.

She, who was all of five feet, if that, slight of build, glanced in my direction and finished unloading her cart. I stood studying her (why? ... I don't know! just did.) Her hair was very grey, she was quite a bit older then I, simply dressed, beige car coat. The look of tired was there, the presence of strength showed, her movements were of gentleness.

She looked back at me and said to go ahead of her with my two items. Told her I was also going to get a pack of gum ... she smiled and stepped aside to let me pass. I paid for my items and thanked her again for the kindness. Again the small smile. I said that my husband was waiting for me and I knew he would appreciate her letting me go as well. She then said "my husband is home waiting for me. He is in bed sick." I said that I hoped that he would feel better soon. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I just knew what the response would be ... she lowered her head and shook no. I said I was so sorry, she responded with a slight nod. I told her that I would keep her in my prayers. And she nodded again and smiled, a smile that said more then any words could. The care of her husband is done with pure, pure love, I could see that. I had the thought to ask her for her first name but for some reason I purposely ignored the thought. I know that God knows who she is, who her husband is and maybe for some reason I am not to know her name.

What I do know is that I will pray for this woman and her husband. And my prayers will be heard, not because I am saying the prayers, but because prayer is being said.

For whatever reason, just for a moment, God put her in my path and a stirring took place in my heart. My meeting with this woman maybe was more for me. Who knows. God knows.

She will always be in my prayers. Will you join me?

The Treasured Memory of a First Best Friend

One of the blogs that I read is Nancy Lindemeyer's Journal ... the Nancy Lindemeyer from the original Victoria Magazine, oh how I loved that magazine!

Her post today involves her new book called My First Best Friend. You can hop on over to her site to take a look http://nancylindemeyer.blogspot.com/ Reading this today stirred a memory of my first best friend.

She lived up the street from me, a short distance, a walking distance, so of course we went to the same elementary school. The bus would pick her up first in the morning, the next stop was mine. We always sat together on the way to school and more often then not on the way home as well, reversed bus ride, I would be let off first to go home. Our friendship, that was 50 - 55 years ago.

She would at times stay over night at my house. She had a giggle that I can still hear if I quietly listen. We were silly little girls. My father would work the bingo game for our church once a month and when he did my mother and brother and I would go to bingo as well. Many times she would come along with us and spend the night afterwards. She won one night, oh my goodness, it was so, so exciting.

One spring morning ... I really remember the day, it was very beautiful, such a blue, blue sky ... I got on the bus and took my seat next to her on the right side of the bus about half way back. We usually sat there. As soon as I got settled in my seat she handed me this little white box. Never having received a gift before like this I didn't think too much of it until I opened the box. Inside was a silver band ring nestled in a small rectangle of cotten, the ring had an open cutwork design and was so shiny. It was the most beautiful thing I think I had ever seen. She told me it was a friendship ring. Can you imagine how special that was? And how special that is to even this day, almost a lifetime later.

That afternoon after school my mother took me out so that I could get her a ring from me. Giving her her ring the next day was at least anticlimatic to what I experienced but nevertheless we cemented our friendship.

During junior high school we had moved and somehow we had drifted. Many years after high school my mother had run into her mother. They made plans to meet, her daughter would be there with her children and I would come with my sons. We were both excited to see each other, it had been a long time. The day before we were to meet she had gotten the flu or something so that we had to postpone our visit but shortly we would plan a get together again.

A few weeks later I was driving to my mother's and along the way I had passed our school bus stops ... and for some reason I remembered the friendship ring, the blue sky, the bus ride that one spring morning and it made me smile and warmed my heart. She was such a great kid! I had often passed this way but for some reason the memory had chosen now to surface.

Shortly after this my mother had run into her mother. It seems that the week that I had gone to my mother's, the week that I had remembered that spring morning, she had had a massive heart attack. She had died at the age of 41. That was 18 years ago. It struck me that I hadn't thought of that spring morning, of those two little girls, until that week and thinking that we would see each other again shortly.

I wrote to her mother, telling her of the memory that my heart held. I also told her that knowing the type of child she had been I also knew the type of adult she would have grown to be and that I could not begin to imagine their heartache.

She was my first best friend. Its more then a good memory, it was a special time of life. I can imagine now that she has and continues to fill heaven with her laughter and giggles.

Thank you for being my first best friend. God bless you.

Finding Happiness

Simply put, sometimes it just takes work. Having come this far, and tripped, stumbled, and flat out fallen more times that one can count, you finally see the pattern forming which we call life and all that which we take for granted. "All that" is the key to happiness.

Happiness, like love .... (I had written earlier - Love cannot be boxed, wrapped in paper or adorned with bows, glitz and glitter. It stands unashamedly unwrapped, uncovered ... bare and bold. To receive it, there is no greater gift. It is the ultimate. -glor) ... cannot be bought, sold, inherited, demanded or prescribed. When you think about it, happiness unlike love cannot be given, but it can be accepted; it must be accepted to be. Think about it.

to be continued ...